Looking back on 2016, it seems to be a year with more downs than ups for my family. Although our year hasn't been all bad, we did get married this year and get pregnant with our rainbow baby, there seems to be a lot more cloudy days than sunny days if you get my drift. We have had a miscarriage this year, my husband, Laine, has been laid off 3 times (including once the day before our wedding), we've had our credit card stolen multiple times, too much family drama to even be considered reasonable, many financial setbacks and extra hurdles added to just about everything we try to accomplish in general. Because I like looking on the positive side, though, I have decided to take a look back through this year and share the lessons that can only be learned from going through these hardships. 

#1. Every Thing Will Eventually Pass

Just like your teachers told you growing up, so much that it became a cliche, everything will eventually pass. Every stage of your life, every good time and bad, you will eventually move on from. After miscarrying our second baby this spring, I couldn't even fathom how I was going to get through it. I remember sitting in the hospital, pretending to listen to the insensitive doctor I was assigned to ramble on and wondering how I would make it through this. How I would get through that hour or that day. I cried all that day and night. So hard that I had sores underneath my eyes. I woke up the next morning, after getting about 2 hours of sleep, and my first thought was "I did it". I had made it through that day. Things didn't get easier for a while, a good month or so passed before I even really felt like a version of myself again. It took months before I could think about it without feeling all of the sadness that came with thinking of them. But now, almost 9 months later, I can honestly say it doesn't hurt anymore. It has "passed". This is also something I've realized with our financial "good times" this year. We've had a few collections of months this year where things were going really well financially (until Laine eventually got laid off and we plummeted down to struggling once more). The good times pass just like the bad. So this year more than any before, we've been shown to enjoy the good when you can get it and weather the bad because it will eventually pass as well.

#2. Money is Just Money

Let me start by saying, I think being stressed when bills are coming in that you can't pay or are past due is a completely normal reaction. Over this past year (or couple of years really), with such a surplus of financial setbacks, it has allowed me to see things for exactly what they are. No matter how threatening a phone call or letter might seem, no matter what you might have to sacrifice or lose, everything will be okay. I know this might seem like a tall order when you're getting calls from the bailiff who's going to come take back your car or one to inform you that you're thisclose to being kicked out of your home (trust me, I've been there) but in the end, there is a solution to everything. No, it won't be ideal circumstances but it definitely won't be as bad as your fears will make you believe. If you let it, financial struggles can take over your entire life, cause deep depression and stress or possibly break up your marriage. Having such a large amount of struggle has really caused not just myself but my husband as well to really see things in a new light. Now every time a bill comes in that we are struggling to or can't pay, we look at it differently than we once did. Yes, they want money from us, everyone seems to want money from us. They're not going to knock down the door and kill us for it. We simply make a plan and a backup plan (and usually even a backup to the backup plan) and if all of those fall through, we know we still have each other. We still have our kids and our family and we will figure it all out together. We never agreed to sign over our happiness as collateral on those bills. With this thinking, we've been able to handle even some of our hardest financial struggles with very little stress and a smile still on our faces. Which to me, makes it possibly the best lesson we've learned.

#3. Your Wedding Day Doesn't Have to Be Perfect, It's the Marriage that Matters

In the months leading up to our wedding, Laine and I seemed to run into setback after setback in the finances department. Because of this, just about every single aspect of our wedding was down-sized and in some ways, not the way we would have wanted it. In the days before, I remember praying that everything would come together on the day of and everything would be perfect. The truth is, it didn't. Everything didn't magically come together because there was no possible way for that to happen. In the days after the wedding, I remember being so upset because this was my only wedding day. There was no way to go back and change it. I even regretted not pushing the date back to have more time to make everything perfect. About a week after the wedding, I was talking to Laine about how that day had went and it really dawned on me that it doesn't matter if your wedding was fit for TV. In 20 years, we're not going to remember the sub pare candy bar or not so great photography. We're going to remember the way we felt that day, our vows, hopefully, most of our wedding night and how we've felt about each other every day since. The details of your wedding day mean barely anything when measured up to the meaning of your marriage itself. The start of our marriage is without a doubt the best part of our wedding day and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. Until our 25-year vow renewal anyway, then I'll be going ALL out.

#4. You Can't Please Everybody

There were many encounters with different family members this year that left me wanting to rip my hair out. I have been a people pleaser my whole life and the idea of not being able to make everyone happy legitimately gives me anxiety at times (I know it shouldn't, but it does). With these family members, it seemed like the harder I would try to please them, the more they hated me. When everything from their end was finally laid out on the table this fall, that they hated me more now than they ever did, it truly was my breaking point. I remember crying and being so stressed out for weeks because I honestly couldn't fathom why people who I was supposed to be so close with seemed to hate me more and more with each attempt I made to try and please them. It truly made me realize that you can't please everyone, regardless of your effort. This was something I'd always had a good sense about with strangers through my years of making videos on the internet but I never even thought would come into play with family. Some people would rather come to their own conclusions about you or believe assumptions or rumors rather than try to like you. That's simply the way it is. You can't make up anyone else's mind for them and that is perfectly okay. If all of the family drama in 2016 has taught me anything, it's that you can't spend your whole life worried about how happy someone else is. There comes a point where you simply have to walk away and focus more on making yourself and those closest to you happy instead. For your own sanity.


#5. YOU Actually Matter

2016 marks my first full year as a mom and this is a lesson I have had to learn this year for my own sanity. As a mom, it is so incredibly easy to put your kids and husband first and second on the priority list and leave yourself at somewhere around #23. But constantly being the last one to be taken care of, can make you a worse mom than a better one. It's taken a while for me to not only realise how necessary it is but practice it as well (even if it is for only 15 minutes once a week). Especially if you have younger children who aren't yet able to appreciate you, you need to appreciate yourself and acknowledge all of the great things you do for your family every single day. Your needs deserve to come before other people's wants, that's something I try to never forget. I also have decided to make it a practice to do or buy something I simply want at least once a week, just for me. Because I know I deserve it and that at least every once in a while, my wants deserve to be recognised. I would recommend it to anybody and can easily say it has made me a better mom. So take that bath or a nap, buy that lipstick or go out for a drink with a friend. You deserve it and you'll be a better mom and wife (or partner) in the end for doing so!